The worst decision I've made so far.....

Two years ago today I was 39 weeks and two days pregnant with my son. As of tomorrow at 7:35 am my son was born. Now, my son being born was amazing. I cried when I first heard his little scream. I was so relieved that he screamed.

Onto the worst decision of my life. It happened about 16 and half hours earlier. I had my doctors appointment for my 39 weeks on Wednesday June 4th 2008.  First I peed in a cup as usual. I had a vaginal exam which showed me at about a finger tip. I was then taken to the ultrasound room where budha (Landon) was projected to be about 9 lbs. Now what I didn't know about this was that the tech can be up to a pound off and the machine can be as well. So all in all they could have been up to two pound wrong. In my case they weren't but as the same time woman have birthed 11lb children vaginally!

Then went to a room for non stress test since I had a "big baby". Landon was fine in his non stress. He did the appropriate amount of kicks in the time needed. Then my doctor k came in. I asked if everything was okay as soon as he came in. I was told that he moved and kicked great and there was nothing shown wrong with this test. Then I was told that my son may have shoulder dystocia because he was Macrosomatic baby. Which means his estimated weight was higher than 4000 gram. (4000 grams is equal to about 8.13lbs) Now I was VERY under educated! But that was my choice. Just to wing it as others had done before me. WRONG!!!!! Not getting educated was part of the worst decision. It all ties in with each other. Now when my doctor suggested an automatic cesarean I was terrified and truly didnt want it. I asked about an induction because I wanted to avoid surgery. Who wants to have surgery?? He told me that in all reality I would probably end up with a sections after having to labor which would be much harder on my body.( He was probably right because my bishops score was low)

I agreed to the cesarean. And there it is. The worst  decision of my life. Being an uneducated mother to be was bad enough but allowing myself to influenced with the "baby in danger card" makes me looking back on my experience so much worse. What I didn't know at the time was that One half of all cases of shoulder dystocia occur at birth weights of less than 4,000 g (8 lbs., 13 oz.). To this day I sadly hate the thought of the fourth of june.Its the day I allowed the Doctors at my local hospital to compromise my fertility, my future births, my uterus, my life and my sons. Everyone had failed to mention the risk of myself and my child dying during this surgery. And although we were lucky and didn't, the risks DID NOT out way the benefits. I am blessed that I am able to at least see joy in the day of my sons birth because some mothers can't.

Please mama's PLEASE whether you are new or experienced, pass on that being educated is truly the most important thing you can do for your unborn child and for yourself.

Dear Doctor.... Part One

Last night I saw a post on babydickey.com where the mama, Emily, wrote up a first draft to the OB who cut her. It got me thinking in honor of Cesarean Awareness Month I would finally get all my feelings out in tear up letters to the OB who cut me first.

Dear Doctor K,
       I very much loath you. I feel ruined by what you did to me. I was young and naive. Yes I should have been better informed to tell you where you could shove it when you "suggested" I just have a cesarean. I should have known that you were no good when you asked me "If this was a one night thing or do you know the guy"! What the hell was I thinking by staying with you. I know what it was. I thought that a nice office and good exam rooms meant you were an amazing doctor who cared for his patients. Why else would woman keep going back? Little did I know that you just looked out for your own schedule. I can't believe I trusted someone like you to care for me and my unborn child. You could have easily ruined my fertility and you have defiantly ruined easily having a vaginal birth for the rest of my life. Did my child die? No. Did I have complications? No. These things don't mean that I am anymore happy about it. Yes I fully agreed to my cesarean with open arms. I never would have, if I had ever known the possibility that I may never get a to experience what my body is fully capable of because you cut me. Yes Doctor K you have truly made an impact on my life. You have shown me that not all doctors are gods and many of you do stupid things for your own leisure. Some, not all, of you willing risk the lives of patients just so you can be home for diner! I cringe when I hear a woman say she is going to your practice. I can tell you I will never forget you, but the memory of you is strolling into the OR saying what a great day it was. I am blessed to have my son, but the way he came into this world will forever be a heart breaking event in my eyes!